Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
