so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
