I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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