I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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