This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
