this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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