Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
