absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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