3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
