I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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