come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
how do flat chested girls get laid?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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