peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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