Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
