those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
