he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
