dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
