I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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