he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
