And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
