Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
