I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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