I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
