make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
