yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
