hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
