I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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