I'm lost and stupid without you.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
