I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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