i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
