if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
