i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
