she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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