You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
