Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
