Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You did what with his pubic hair?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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