Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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