My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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