Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he was CRYING into my vagina
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
