Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
