It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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