I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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