That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
