Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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