Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
