i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
