Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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