I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
