so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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