thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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