Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
