your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
